Messy Love

cheating heartWe say we want our love ‘clean’ and ‘drama-free’,  but I’m not sure I buy it. The big loves, the intense loves, the messy loves. Those are the ones we remember . . .

This month in honor of Valentine’s Day, I’m going to be posting about messy love – you know the kind I mean. The love you have usually when you were somewhere between 16 and 25 and you do the sloppiest, dumbest shit, the kind of shit that makes you cringe when you later remember it. Feel free to post your messy love stories as a comment to this post. The messier the better. But to be fair, I should start us off by posting one of mine.

I was sixteen, and had a male best friend. We were tight, I mean really, really close. We talked on the phone for hours every day. He was the first person I thought about when I woke up, the last person I talked to every night. While I was quiet and pensive, he was outgoing and expressive. He was super-cute, like one of the DeBarges in the time when we still thought the DeBarges were cute. And it was clear to anyone who knew him that I was the most important girl in his life.

But for me, that wasn’t enough – I was “just a friend” albeit his best friend. I wanted more. He was oblivious – as most boys and men are when they think they have a female best friend when in fact they have someone who’s in love with them and just doesn’t want to ruin it by reaching for more. Anyway, this friend of mine was a bit of a bad-boy. He smoked weed, he skipped school, he hung out with dodgy characters, and my parents hated him. He got into scrapes a lot and then told me about them later, which I loved. He told me everything, in unvarnished language – all about the girls he bedded, the scams he pulled, the lies he told. To me, he was the most amazing person ever in the history of . . . amazing-ness.

One summer day I was home and bored and he called me from a pizza restaurant about three miles away. He’d been smoking weed with friends. They were hungry, and now they were broke. Could I bring him twenty bucks?  My mother disapproved of our friendship and was suspicious of it’s all-consuming nature (of course she was!) and so I couldn’t get her to take me to see him. I didn’t yet drive, so I couldn’t go on my own. So what did I do, desperately-in-love-with-my-best-friend sixteen year old nincompoop that I was? I couldn’t stand that he was stranded and hungry, couldn’t bear that he would experience a moment’s discomfort if I had the power to alleviate it.  So I walked- yes, walked– the three miles to hand him twenty dollars so he and his friends could be relieved of the munchies. And then I walked back home. And just like some John Hughes movie, on the way, as I walked, clothed in shame for being such a pushover, it began to rain. Served me right.

Now that was pretty ugly, so c’mon . . . tell me your messy love story . . . And remember to change names (including your own if you must) to protect the innocent.

Happy Reading!


6 thoughts on “Messy Love

  1. Hi Nia,

    it took me a while to decide which story was the worst. This particular incident occurred when I was in high school and a boy (because that’s what he was) had a crush on me and asked me to be his “girl”. I did not like him and was not attracted to him. However, I was a bit shy and insecure. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I let him talk to me and led him to believe we were a couple. What a mistake that was! He began following me around, calling me, and coming to my house.

    My instincts began to nudge me, whispering in my ear that something was terribly wrong with this dude. I didn’t listen and didn’t say anything to him or anyone else. As a result, his stalking continued and one day he followed me to my girlfriend’s house and demanded that I come outside and speak with him.

    Did I say he lived around the corner from me? In any case, terrified as I was that he would do something crazy, I came outside and he basically threatened me, saying, “If you ever do that again you will suffer the consequences.”

    Reality finally kicked me in the head and I told my father when he once again came to my house. My father had a long threatening lecture with him and I never saw or heard from him again.

    This is not a love story, but it was definitely a dramatic incident that I won’t forget. To this day it still freaks me out when I think about it!

    1. Wow! That’s pretty intense to have gone through that as a teenager! Thank goodness you had your Dad to take care of it. Wonder what that kid’s adult relationships went on to be like . . . or we can probably guess.

  2. Hi Nia,

    I have a messy love story to tell. Actually this is not a love story but one of insecurity and physical attraction. I was what you called a late bloomer. I did not have a boyfriend or lose my virginity until I was the tender age of 18. Well my boyfriend at the time was a year and a half younger than I and we were each other’s first regarding sexual relations. We were so inexperienced that neither one of us knew what love was and what relationships required.

    Nevertheless, my messy story is not directly related with my first but indirectly related to the inexperience that he possessed…being merely a child. I had at that point in my life battled with the dreaded teenage girl insecurities (still a struggle as a woman). In my senior year I battled with a eating disorder that provided me with a distorted personal image of myself. I was always a big/thick girl but once the anorexia began my body slimmed in what I thought at the time the “right” places; so, I still had a very low self esteem and self image.

    One day, I was walking home from the bus stop and one of my new neighbors was sitting outside on his porch. When he got his first sight of me (in my Tweety over-sized shirt and hot pink tights) he was immediately infatuated. He sprung into action; sweet talking me as I walked to my door. He was about 3 years my senior but that didn’t bother me. It felt so good to have someone simply appreciating me even if it was only in the physical. As mentioned above, yes I did have a boyfriend but he never had what it took to actually verbalize his admiration for a female; so, I was lacking in that attention department.

    Well after days of him waiting outside for me to get off the bus to walk me home and speak sweet nothings in my ear, my wall was down and my onion was peeled. I was completely open and he knew he had me. Without getting too graffic, I spent a few choice hours in the confines of his room many afterschool days. I don’t know why he had a physical pull on me because I was not attracted to him at all. Even though I lost my virginity at a late age, I had developed a budding sexuality at a young age. So I craved everything that was included in our visits shrouded in secrecy.

    As the days went on, I became careless in my actions. I started neglecting my actual relationship with my boyfriend, I started coming home later and later from school and my eating disorder became very extreme. In the meantime, with every intimate occassion, he craved me more and more even to the point where he would knock and beg at my window late at night. With that being said, one night he was scratching at my window like a wounded squirrel and I agreed to let him into my house, into my bedroom. My dad worked nights and my mom was asleep so my nerves calmed slightly. I shut off all my lights as to appear sleep. We started our intense dance in my double size bed; and, after a hour of sweaty, angry passion, we collapsed onto my pillows completely spent.

    At that moment in time, the deed was done and I was looking for that bird to fly away. As I turned in the darkness to inquired about him making haste outside my residence, someting was off…something was wrong. He wasn’t responsive to my words, so I quickly turned on the lights. He was having a full blown Grand Mal seizure…IN MY BED…IN MY HOUSE!!! My first instinct was to call 911; but, as I heard the dispatcher’s voice, I realized maybe that was a mistake so I hung up. BAD IDEA!!! Due to me hanging up, the police, the firemen and the EMTs appeared on my front lawn within minutes and commenced to ringing my doorbell and searching the perimeter. I immediately went to the door to quiet the ringing before my mother woke up. When I yanked the door open, the officer stood there with his eyes and mouth completely open to the fullest extent…WHY you ask…because I was stark naked from H to T in my teenage, black girl with a middle-aged caucasian white cop glory. Once I realized the error of my decision, I ran back to put on an over-sized shirt to conceal my nudity.

    The next series of events, I have to “smh” at. Due to all the flashing lights, his moms (and yes that is plural…like lesbian, life partner plural) showed up to see what was going on. When they saw their son being placed on the stretcher, his what I would assume to be biological mother screamed and passed out THUS waking my OWN mother. After he was transported to the hospital, I was left to concoct some falsehood for my mother. That following morning, I went to check on my neighbor/lover. He told me he had epilepsy and he decided he didn’t need his meds…hence, the seizure. I told him we were through and our story was done.

    He never got over me. He actually took the seizure as a good sign for our future. When I moved out of my parents house a few months later, he continued to ring my parents doorbell. He would show up in the backyard looking through the basement windows for me. My dad had an order of protection issued, but that didn’t stop him. So he went to the extreme to break into my parents house through the basement and the cops arrested him. He actually did it a second time; after that, my parents said he went away.

    So that is my MESSY LOVE STORY…Happy Valentines Day!!!

    1. Okay, THAT was messy. I literally had my mouth open as I read most of that. It had all the elements of a good story, including the comical. I am convinced there is AT LEAST a short story in here. I can’t believe you haven’t already written it (that’s the writer in me – every experience is just grist for the mill). Thanks for sharing that! I’m not sure there is a story out there that can top that one!

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